Lucky for all five of you who are still dragging your feet on copping Beyonce's history-making visual album, King Bey has bequeathed unto the world yet another one of her 17 new music videos. Congratulations, slackers. Thanks to the wide release of "Drunk in Love," you now finally ~get~ why your friends keep saying "SURFBOARD" with a Texan drawl, AND now that Pepsi is hosting the video for "Grown Woman," you can also revel in Beyonce's live reenactment of this picture and watch some adorable and craftily CGI-enhanced home-movie footage of baby Bey. I hope you know how lucky you are.
Nine months ago, Bey posted an adorable picture of
herself as a child in full-on pageant regalia, standing in front of a fireplace and mantle stacked with trophies. Taking the photo from cute to hilariously irreverent, the words
BOW DOWN were
printed in all caps across it. It reached meme status instantly, and was definitely my Facebook cover photo for several months. In the vid, Beyonce recreates the scenes almost exactly with a fluffy, feathery, baby-pink dress, jewels, and a tiara. Except now, she's a grooowwwwnnn woman. (She can do whatever she wants.)
A still from Beyonce's "Grown Woman" music video.
Photo: Sony Records
From there, Bey takes more precious personal footage from the Knowles family vault of her dancing in a j'outfit and stacked curls. The vintage clips (which, P.S., get some special treatment, replacing the mouths to match with the lyrics of the song) are intercut with new-but-made-to-look-old video of B. and longtime BFF and fellow
Destiny's Child alumna
Kelly Rowland performing the same dance moves and wearing outfits to match the era. Like this hairy pink leotard. Or Yonce's hourglass-cut overalls.
A still from Beyonce's "Grown Woman" music video.
Photo: Sony Records
Here's another recreation! Kelly gets a very chic terrycloth sweatband and patterned denim while Bey gets a porkpie hat and denim diapers over black leggings.
A still from Beyonce's "Grown Woman" music video.
Photo: Sony Records
One of my personal favorite outfits from Beyonce's entire visual album is this look right here: retro red, white, and blue Tommy Sport basketball jersey, waist-length box braids held up in a super-high ponytail, jean cutoffs, immaculate white Chucks, and a nylon wind breaker tied around her waist. It's like if Beyonce were a teenager in high school right now, this is what she'd wear on summer vacation.
A still from Beyonce's "Grown Woman" music video.
Photo: Sony Records
In a probably very deliberate move, the next shot is of Bey looking regal and very #grown in a high neck, leather halter top with some very serious hardware around her neck. She and two supporting dancers do the dance routine from the
Mrs. Carter Show, and the visual effects kick into EXTREMELY HIGH gear. *blinks, rubs eyes, drops Visine*
A still from Beyonce's "Grown Woman" music video.
Photo: Sony Records
Suddenly, Beyonce has long, straight black hair and a black-and-white, mixed print Red Carter swimsuit. (P.S. I'm now accepting bets on whether the "Carter" thing was just a coincidence or not.)
A still from Beyonce's "Grown Woman" music video.
Photo: Sony Records
Oh, and not to be overlooked, she
wears twerks in the one-piece with matching
Tom Ford OTK boots.
A still from Beyonce's "Grown Woman" music video.
Photo: Sony Records
ADJFKGAHLDFKJGHAFD
TINA KNOWLES SIGHTING. TINA KNOWLES SIGHTING. TINA KNOWLES SIGHTING. Beyonce and her mother (Head Mistress of the House of Dereon, the High Priestess, MISS TINA) ooze royalty in animal print, multi-colored fur, luxurious hair, and a glut of fabric because THEY CAN.
A still from Beyonce's "Grown Woman" music video.
Photo: Sony Records
Three babies who are not
Blue Ivy also make a brief cameo at the end of the video—Bey holds them on a zebra-print bed while wearing a strange golden headdress. One of the anonymous babies is even bold enough to silently demand a kiss from King Bey. AND SHE OBLIGES. Never have I ever been so jealous of a toddler.
+ WATCH BEYONCE'S 'GROWN WOMAN' MUSIC VIDEO
+ WATCH CLIPS OF BEYONCE'S VISUAL ALBUM
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